Marriage Rhythm


This December will mark five years of marriage with my incredible wife, Kim.

We’ve grown a LOT during that time, both as individuals and as a couple.

One of the things I’m discovering is the importance of letting things find their rhythm. That’s a very different approach than trying to make things fit a rhythm.

Finding a rhythm is about letting the relationship settle into its own natural, organic state. It’s very intuitive, open, flexible, and laid back. It doesn’t lack initiative, it’s just that the initiative submits to the situation. Finding a rhythm is like jazz players improving together.

Fitting a rhythm is about trying to fit the relationship into principles, plans, and priorities. None of those things are necessarily bad in and of themselves, but they can be very stifling to the unexpected and the intuitive. Fitting a rhythm is like orchestra players playing sheet music together.

Both kinds of music are good, and both have their place. There are still times we play the sheet music together (like sitting down to talk about the budget) but even this can have an intuitive, improvisational element to it as we feel out where the other is at emotionally.

I’m learning how to let the marriage settle into its own pace. This means more freedom for Kim to be herself, more freedom for me to be myself, which results in more FUN for both of us.

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